The "EveryBody" Insider
Communicating the Concerns of Black People

Forgiveness and The Boy Who Cried Wolf
By Kevin Johnson

Victims of assault, molestation, attack, harassment, etc. require healing in order that the harm done may be undone as much as possible. In some cases the harm is physical, mental, and/or spiritual. It may be partially or wholly irreparable in some respects. 

The healing needed to offset harm can perhaps take more than a single small bandage or a drop of ointment. It might take more than a few words of support and encouragement. It might take more than a few minutes. It might take more than one procedure or attempt at resolution. It may take more than eye drops, ear drops, nasal spray or facial cream. It may take more than stitches, sutures, shots in the arm, shots in the hip, or shots of whiskey. The victim may or may not remain conscious or in control of his/her right arm or left leg. The victim may not even retain control of his/her sanity during the healing process. The medicine may not be sweet, the pills may be hard to swallow, the pain may be nearly unbearable, or the numbness may be of concern. The healing techniques may come from the East or the West or the North or the South. The doses may be large or small and may vary with time. Therapy of the physical, mental and spiritual types may be required. The healing process may be many things; but, it must be RIGHT. 

The process cannot be cut short. GOD, not haste, must guide the healing. For the victims of molestation and assault the healing process includes the need for justice. Justice is not to be sacrificed for the sake of a quick return to "peace and quiet and harmony". Those things will come in due time; but, before that time, justice must be attained. Indeed, justice is the mechanism which restores balance and harmony.

The victim must acknowledge the hurt that he/she has endured and commit to a healing process which includes the DEMAND for justice. Justice is not to be confused with the seeking of revenge, money, fame or prosperity. Justice is the setting right of that which was wrong. The victim owes it to himself/herself to seek what is right and just. To do otherwise would be to permit the injustice to go uncorrected and possibly repeat itself. 

The victim would do a disservice to himself/herself and others by "forgiving" an injustice instead of correcting it. "Forgiveness" without justice is an ill-directed incorrect pursuit. It is like the application of a "band-aid" to a wound that really requires much greater care or even extensive surgery.

To illustrate the point we'll refer to the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. In the story the boy shepherd watches over a flock of sheep near a village. He gets bored as he looks down from the hill at the sheep and shouts " wolf". The villagers run to help him ward off the wolf only to find that there isn't one. They tell him not to shout "wolf" if there is none present; and, they go back to the village. The boy amuses himself again by shouting " wolf" and seeing the villagers come running to his aid. They again tell him not to shout "wolf" if there is no wolf present. Then on the day the wolf does appear, the boy shouts "wolf" but no one goes to help him. The result is that the flock is lost. The story tells about the danger/injustice of lying and also tells about the harms of irresponsibility and the failure to solve problems.

The villagers did not hold the boy shepherd accountable. They dismissed his lying; and, they dismissed it multiple times. They did not even bother to make the boy apologize for his irresponsible behavior and for breaking their trust in him. And, just before the whole flock of sheep is destroyed the villagers did absolutely nothing. They left a boy shepherd in place whom they no longer trusted or wanted to listen to. Then when the boy really did his job, they failed to do theirs. They failed multiple times to solve the problem because they never committed to solving it. They used the don't-yell-wolf-again "band-aid" solution.

If the villagers weren't going to listen to the boy, why didn't they either replace him or tell him? Apparently, they decided to try to have a laugh at the boy's expense - ha, ha - let him keep yelling "wolf", we aren't going any where. Their narrow minds saw their relationship with the boy as being lowered to a game of gags, tricks and gimmicks. Their decisions and actions went from bad to worse. The result was that in the end no one was laughing ( except the wolf); and, everyone was crying ( except the wolf). The villagers' "band-aid" was completely useless.

The victims who are seeking healing cannot act or be made to act like those villagers who did not properly confront their wrongdoing shepherd. The victims must hold the wrongdoer accountable. The victims cannot allow the wrongdoer to get away with wrongdoing over and over again. The victims cannot just dismiss the misdeeds. The victims' inaction/inadequate action can ultimately lead to the loss of the entire flock.

In the call for FORGIVENESS, let's be clear about the roles for the victims and the wrongdoers. 

The wrongdoing shepherd must acknowledge his wrong, apologize for the wrong, be punished for the wrong, UNDO THE HARM done, turn away from doing wrong, seek forgiveness for the wrong, etc. These things are items for the wrongdoer ( not the victim) to cover.

The victim's role is to be truthful while holding the wrongdoer accountable as the pursuit of JUSTICE demands. The victim must ask GOD for the courage to tell the TRUTH and overcome the fear that may confine him/her to silence. 

FORGIVENESS should not be mistaken for an escape from JUSTICE. The process of forgiveness involves the attainment of justice and the undoing of the wrong/harm. The aim of healing is to undo the harm not dismiss wrongs like the villagers did with the lying of the boy shepherd. Therefore, justice is a vital part of the healing process. 

The healing for the church should begin with the healing of the victims whose healing depends partly on the attainment of JUSTICE which is part of the wrongdoer's process for receiving FORGIVENESS. 

A weak link in the chain of healing is the wrongdoer's involvement in the FORGIVENESS process. It seems that "forgiveness" has been delegated to the victim in some cases. The victim is asked or expected to simply dismiss the misdeed. But, as we've discussed, this is a mistaken quick fix/"band-aid". 

The wrongdoer must be held accountable. Not his bishop not his brother, uncle, cousin, niece, etc. but the wrongdoer himself must be held accountable. The wrongdoer must be held accountable for his wrongdoing for the sake of the healing of the victim and for his OWN process of receiving FORGIVENESS. Each wrongdoer should apologize for each and every misdeed against each and every victim if the forgiveness process is to take hold in earnest. 

What has occurred in some cases is that an apology is made by proxy to the victim. This is of course welcome and supportive of healing but incomplete. The wrongdoer is the one who really needs to do this. It is, nevertheless, still comforting for victims to know that there are other folks who sympathize with them. 

But, it is the wrongdoer, not the victim and not the wrongdoer's brothers/sisters, who should carry the load. The wrongdoer's brothers/sisters may try as best they can to undo harm, pay restitution, apologize for the wrong, ask for forgiveness, etc. but it's not justice. In some cases everyone is doing the wrongdoer's work for him. People are acting like the villagers who did not hold the boy shepherd accountable. And, now they've let the boy sleep all day while THEY DO HIS WORK!

While it seems noble to do someone else's work in one respect, it is inadequate to do so when that person can and should do the work himself/herself.

It's time to wake that boy up! Tell him to get his stuff together. Enough is enough! Do what is right by righting what you did that is wrong. Do it for your own sake! We are not going to hide or shield you nor "fix" your misdeeds anymore. You should grow up and fix your own problems. We'll help you; but, you are going to do most of it. You are going to acknowledge the harm that you caused others, you are going to apologize for the harm, you are going to undo that harm, you are going to turn away from doing wrong; and, you are going to do what you can to seek forgiveness from GOD. 
You must come clean. You must come straight once and for all and forever. You must do what is right - no games; no tricks; no gimmicks; no "crying wolf!" You and only you can take YOUR medicine if YOU are to be healed.

So it is with all of us, I suppose. We must take our own medicine. We must open up our mouths and our hearts so that our hearts, bodies and souls may be exposed to healing from above.

Partial dosages will not do. We cannot be truly healed if we don't take ALL of our medicine. If we just feel "bad" and then take some sugar-coated tablets, that may not be enough. 

The wrongdoer must recognize that the victim has to literally and/or figuratively take a prescribed dose of medicine every day for the rest of his/her life because of the harm caused by the misdeed. Therefore, the wrongdoer must swallow his own medicine as prescribed by GOD, the true healer of all. 

The church must seek healing for the victims thereby initiating the healing for the church itself. However, we are not talking about cosmetic surgery. The church must help heal the victims of their ailments which are emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually based not cosmetically based. This is not the time and place for a facelift or tummy tuck. 

There are people whose trust and faith and morals have been shaken if not broken. Their lives have been wrecked. And, their number is many not few. The task of fulfilling their healing needs is not small. A "band-aid" may not be sufficient.

A challenge for the church is to recognize that tending to the harmed victims takes precedence over controlling the public image of the church. Healing wounds takes precedence over hiding ugliness. This could be a bitter but necessary pill to swallow. The church must take ITS medicine. 

And, the church must face the TRUTH whether it comes from the inside or the outside from the left or from the right or from the bottom or the top or from the old or from the young or from the east or from the west from the masculine or from the feminine from the astute or from the naive or from the mountain or from the valley or from the rich or from the poor. 

We all must face the truth and take our medicine. The villagers must act responsibly. The wrongdoing boy shepherd must face justice. The falsely accused must be exonerated. The innocents must be protected. The victims must be healed. The will of GOD must be done. 

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May GOD guide us through even these troubled times
to constantly seek the TRUTH. May GOD give us the
courage to face the TRUTH and do GOD's will.
May GOD watch over us, lead us, and guide us. Amen.

Lord, we ask that you heal the wounded and protect 
the innocent and vulnerable. Protect us from harm
and falsehood. Deliver us from evil.

Lord, give us the strength to seek TRUTH and justice
and the determination to right the wrongs and do GOD's will.
May we grow in love and obedience to serve, honor, and
praise you O Lord. 

In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.

May the TRUTH shine brightly that the falsely accused
will be spared further harm and those who have been
wronged will find justice, support, and comfort.

In the name of Jesus we ask, Amen.

For those unknown victims who have been
shocked into the dead-end street of silence,
May they look to GOD to show them the path
toward healing. May they open their hearts
and mouths to be exposed to the healing
from above. May they find the support
and humane comfort they need as they commit
to walk the path that GOD would have them to
walk. May GOD be with them. May the prayers
of all the church be with them that they
may no longer suffer in human silence and
solitude.

In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.